Hi. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Forgive me, I’ve been swamped with many ideas and have not put any of them to paper yet. I’ll have some more stuff up real soon. Instead, here’s a fluff post about video game candy.

Heard of Angry Birds? It’s hard not to, they’ve permeated the public conscious about as much as Call of Duty and Madden NFL in terms of video games. A goofy game where you fling birds at buildings to destroy enemy pigs, it has appeared on every system that could possibly play it, and is apparently really addicting. I played the Google Chrome browser version and didn’t see the appeal. Doesn’t mean it’s not a multi-million dollar success for Finnish developer Rovio. There’s Angry Birds T-Shirts, Angry Birds toys, Angry Birds board games, there’s probably Angry Birds whack-a-mole if I looked around hard enough. Now they’ve invaded the food space with Angry Birds Fruit Gummies.

Love the sci-fi motif they decided to go with their silly bird game.

I was in a Wal-Mart, getting a few things here and there, when I saw these in a bargain section for 98 cents. I thought, sure, why the hell not. I remember fruit snacks from my youth. Plus I’m reminded of how the X-Entertainment guy would buy dumb things like all the food and toy tie-ins to the Shrek movies. While I’m not gonna go out and do the same thing with Angry Birds here, I did want to see what these fruit gummies were all about. These seem to be based on the most recent Angry Birds game, Angry Birds Space, which is probably the same as the original game except now IN SPAAAAAAACE!

The box tells me to “Collect all four” box covers. Each box randomly features either the Red bird, the green pig, or the black and purple birds nobody cares about. Opening the box reveals a plastic bag with the gummies wrapped inside. Why they didn’t just make a bag is a mystery. There’s six flavors all based on the characters, which are standard candy fare of cherry, lemon and raspberry among other flavors. After tearing the package open, I decided to give each of them a try. I then come to a startling conclusion:  these aren’t like the chewy delicious fruit snacks I remember. In fact, they taste like gummy bears.

They’re gummy bears. Freakin’ gummy bears. I paid 98 cents for Angry Birds gummy bears, shaped like the birds. Oh well, for 98 cents it could’ve been much worse. Such a disappointment though, I was hoping for something like traditional fruit snacks, but I get what I pay for.

(Your regularly scheduled programming will resume next week.)